Moving to a new class, a new teacher, a new school, it’s a source of stress that comes up again and again. But this change is predictable, and because it’s predictable, we can plan for it.

Anxiety around a transition isn’t just when they start a brand-new school. It can pop up every single year. That’s why the best strategy is to treat it like an annual event and start planning for that September transition way back in May or June.

So what does this annual plan look like?

Well, it’s all about making things familiar before day one.
Meeting with the new teachers early on helps build trust. Visiting the new classroom helps to make the space predictable instead of scary.

Even just trying on the uniform at home can prevent a sensory meltdown on that first morning. Every single step is about lowering anxiety and getting rid of the unknown.

All this planning becomes even more critical for that huge leap to secondary school. Your primary school can be your child’s biggest ally here. They can be the bridge, sharing knowledge, advocating for your child, and connecting you with the key people, including the designated teacher, so you can get that support team lined up in advance.

So we’ve covered transitions. What about the day-to-day?

Let’s look at the kind of support a child might need in school just to feel safe and regulated enough to learn.

When a child feels completely overwhelmed, the last thing that they want is to be the center of attention. So how can they let the teacher know that they’re struggling without feeling totally exposed?

Work with the teacher to come up with some kind of signal.

It could be a little coloured ticket on the desk or to be handed to the teacher when they need to leave, a specific phrase, or anything discreet that just lets the teacher know, “I need a minute. I need to go to my safe person or my safe space to get myself regulated again.”

To really get why that’s so important, it’s helpful to understand the difference between chronological and developmental age. Early trauma can press pause on emotional development.

So that means the child’s inner world, their ability to handle stress and big feelings, might be much, much younger than their actual age. Understanding this is a game changer at home and at school.

If you respond to a 10-year-old as if they’re 10, when emotionally they’re feeling more like a five-year-old having a tough time, it leads to frustration for everyone. But if you respond to that younger emotional need, that’s what builds safety, that’s what builds connection, and that’s what helps them to regulate.

What they’re learning in the curriculum can also feel like a minefield.

Seemingly simple topics like my family tree, books about evacuees, or even Disney movies with scary characters or themes of loss. They can all be deeply triggering.

If the teacher knows to give you a heads-up in advance, then you can broach these topics at home with your child and help the teacher understand that certain topics
will be challenging.

All of these strategies hinge on one thing: a really strong partnership with the school.

So what are the practical steps for achieving that?

First, you should get to know your key contacts, such as the designated teacher,
the class teacher, the SENDCO, and the pastoral lead. Agree a way to communicate, for example, by email, so you’re not trying to have a sensitive chat in a busy playground.

And communicate often, not just when there’s a problem, but also make sure to share the positives, too.

When things have gone well, small messages of appreciation and acknowledgment will help to balance the harder conversations. Be clear about what your child needs, but be flexible about how the school delivers this support. Know your rights and use them with clarity and calm rather than to threaten.

For example, “Can we look at how reasonable adjustments can help here?” Be aware that there may be misunderstandings, especially when communicating in writing.

So take a breath before responding and request a meeting if talking in person would be more constructive.

It’s so important to know that you are not alone.

If you’re doing all of this and things just aren’t working, there is a path for escalating your concerns and getting more support.

Start with the class teacher.

If you feel like you’re not being heard, you can bring in the designated teacher. Still not getting a resolution? Consider whether your adoption support team or the local virtual school, that’s the team funded by the local authority specifically to help children who are in care or have been in care, can step in and advocate with you. They are a powerful resource.

And remember, there are some fantastic organisations out there ready to help.